Happy St. Patrick's Day

Two Words

Two words, writer's block. I think I've stated that I'm a back up review writer for Lilac City Momma. I'm trying to accomplish my mid-music class review.... *drool slowly comes down the chin* What are we talking about? No idea? Exactly! What am I to write about? I can't even form sentences or complete thoughts on this class. It's a bunch of bouncy crazy children running around the room and tearing it up as parents sing and dance, a slight twinge of community and that's about it... Yikes! The pressure.

I might be slightly more put off since this is more personal than a Fogless Shower Mirror that is Amazing! It might be the fact that I know they're all reading it... the mid review, with weeks left. Ay yi yi!

Livi's 1st Birthday

      My Olivia turned one. I can't believe it's been a year, almost two since I got pregnant, and almost four since I thought I was having her, since I knew in my heart and with all my soul that I wanted her.

I remember when Tristan and I had first started dating. I remember crying because I wanted an Olivia and before Logan turned three. I remember the long nights, the yearning and aching for my little girl. I remember the day we found out we weren't pregnant. The disappointment, and I remember the day we found out we were pregnant, two weeks later. Such a day of happiness and so much promise.

I remember the day we found out she was a she, I cried. I remember having her. It all seems so far away. I remember thinking of her, dreaming of her, this little brown eyed girl with dark brown hair... I remember when she came out blond hair and blue eyes. Talk about a shocker.

She's so smart, and independent. So stubborn and strong willed. She's beautiful and she thinks she's funny. She's my little personality, nothing like I'd dreamed and everything I want. I can't wait to watch her grow in to a young rebellious lady, screaming that she hates me. I can't wait for her to realize she was wrong ( ;p ) and I can't wait to watch her live out her dreams and hopefully have some children of her own some day.

My babies drive me nuts, but I love them so much and I realize how lucky I am to have them, how grateful I am.

Her birthday was a hit. I made a delicious strawberry shortcake supplied in short by Ree Drummond, recipe extraordinaire! We had it at the park so that her cousins could play, so that they all could play. She got sooo many gorgeous outfits and lovely things from people, lots of cute little books, some daddy's girl ones from daddy, and a bunny from each of her grandmother's. It was a good day, we had a good birthday, a delicious birthday. Grandma Kim made breakfast casseroles, Aunty Summer helped her eat her cake and cleaned her up. There was so much love. I'm grateful to everyone who came.

I got "the ring!"

With the girls, Colleen and Monica, I went trying on rings and fell in love with one Just like this, except princess cut. I fell in love with it at Kay's and then recently when we had the money to buy it they said they only had it in silver because it's more popular and to have it in gold I'd have to wait 2+ months. I'm sorry, been waiting long enough.

So, we walked down a few stores to Zales and Tada! Same ring, in gold, right there on the spot. I cried. Maybe a little bit of shock. I cried. It's a size big so when I'm ready to part with it, which will never happen, they have to resize it. (broken heart)

As you can tell this is not princess cut, but it does sparkle more, and it is gold. Tristan's band is gold and I'm sorry, but we're shooting for traditional, matchy matchy.

Also worked out some wedding details; venue, food, drinks, colors, styles etc. I'm wicked excited.

Tristan said pending on his job our wedding may be delayed. (broken heart) He had a job interview this week and a ride along next week and I'm hoping and Praying that this job works out, that he's happier, that we can move and afford a decent wedding. I just want to marry him this year. I don't want to wait. Our lives have obviously already started together (cheesy cliche) but I want our wedding. I need something positive to look forward to, to keep me busy. I want to get married, change my name, officiate the kids. I want Us to take that step towards permanence.

Today is Our Valentine's Day

One night while catching myself settling for a relationship I didn't want I stopped it. I made a decision that I wanted and deserved better. I prayed about it, everything I wanted, needed and deserved. I also promised to just let it go, stop looking and be happy on my own. It didn't last very long. I found Tristan.

He was everything I didn't think I could have. He was ambitious, with dreams and likes aside from video games and alcohol. He wasn't just trying to get in to my pants, and he had a big heart. I knew in the beginning that he could be the one.

The day we were supposed to hang out was a scorcher. I was terrified to go, terrified my car would break down in the heat. A friend of mine told me that if I didn't go I might regret it for the rest of my life and I knew in that instant she was right. I made up my mind to go. I was terrified at first but as the hours passed I knew in my heart I would be sad to see him go, that I couldn't live without him and that he was the cork to fill the hole in my heart. ( I still feel that way now )

He would be telling me stories about his family, his nieces and nephews, his parents and my heart would be aching and yearning for more, to not be in the friend zone. He was a classy guy, a respectable guy. He had a dog. He had a good family, a big family. He still has all those, in fact the family is just getting bigger and better. His family is love, everything I ever wanted in a family, in my family. And now we're getting married, and if they'll truly let me in to their hearts they'll be my family too.

Not even going to lie, Tristan loves me unconditionally, flaws and all. How the hell did I ever get so lucky? Or deserve it. I can't believe where life has taken us so far. I can't wait to see where it has planned for us to go. I do know that I realized last year that I can't live another moment without him, without him knowing how much I love him. I know I can't wait for our lives to start as a married couple.

We hit patches, skids of ice, but we have each other in the end. I feel better through the hard times knowing that I have him by my side and I'm eternally grateful to have his love.