Christmas Cookies

I threw a Christmas Baking Party which turned in to me making fifty thousand batches of cookies for my friends and Logan to decorate and take home, which I was fine with. I had a really good time as well as good food.

For the party I made gingerbread men, peppermint candy canes, butterscotch stained glass stars and citrus snowflake cookies. I made a white chicken chili for us to eat and balance out the sweets as well as tried this new frosting with meringue powder. It was interesting. I really wanted to turn out these peppermint cups which I actually think I might make some time this week.

Logan had a blast and took his decorating Very seriously. I was impressed to watch him.





This is me, Logan, Aunty Colleen and Aunty Monica. I didn't get a picture of Aunty Monica's cookies but both her and Aunty Colleen did a Great job decorating the cookies and they were all quite beautiful.



In the end I made gingerbread men, stained glass stars, citrus cookies, peppermint candy canes and Christmas trees in white chocolate. They were delicious.

Christmas Tradition

Kmart is having a Christmas Tradition contest, this was my entry and I thought I'd share.

This is my sons 2nd participating Christmas. He's 2 1/2. Since he's been old enough to sit up I have him help me make holiday cards and Christmas is no exception.

Not only does he get to color Christmas cards but a tradition we've started is him making something for everyone. I want him to know how important it is to not only get but to give.

Last year he made Rudolph fridge magnets and painted Christmas bulbs. This year along with his cards he gets to decorate wooden ornaments. He's had quite a blast personalizing each and every one and choosing who gets what.

I think it's important to take time to think of others and give back, even if it is only just a little something. People aren't personal anymore.

Baby Blues???

Feeling rather stressed out lately, depressed. Too many thoughts on my mind. Too much going on. Too much to do, too much not to do.

My grandparents aren't doing so well. A week or two ago I was talking to my grandma. She's a bit worried about my grandpa. He had a stroke the day before Mother's Day. I was there. He refused the 9-1-1 call, the ambulance, the pleas and cries. He refused to live. Thing is, you don't always die of a stroke. It can paralyze you, leave you brain dead. In his case, his brilliant mind is sometimes stunted and he can't always get the words out. Even just sometimes, but it embarrasses him and he walks away.

He has apparently had two since, or heart attacks? I'm not sure. I didn't get this out like I'd wanted from her. I do know that he was due for an MRI because of it and that the doctors were baffled because they couldn't Do the MRI. His heart was working too hard and too irregular to analyze, or whatever it is that they do. This next week he will probably need heart surgery. I'm not sure what they're going to do. The only thing my grandma is semi certain they will do is to shock is heart and try and get it to beat regularly. She's scared. I'm scared. I love him too much, I need him too much.

My grandma has problems of her own, the most recent not appropriate to post. Just a near hospital visit that probably would've made her sicker or kept her in there past her expiration date.

I've been feeling tired lately, which doesn't help with this depression. We recently made a trip to Centralia. Before we left I virtually had everything clean to where we come home and I vacuum. Well, that and having to wash Every single thing we took because the smoke. x_X

We got there late Wednesday, stayed up til midnight, woke up at 8am, had a little nap, got home around 11pm, went to bed later, woke up at noon, went to bed last night around 11 or midnight and woke up at like 10am this morning. My schedule is off. I'm exhausted. Logan is having little bouts of fits, which is fine I'm just too tired to deal with them. Tristan has gotten Way more sleep than I these last couple days. It's draining me.

I'm sooo glad I got to see my grandparents, regardless of it throwing off our schedule. Next time I'll just make sure we leave at a more reasonable hour. I got some pictures, I got some bonding done. I feel like an idiot that I didn't talk more. I made some chocolate and peanut butter fudge, Tristan made dinner. I wanted to help more than I did. I wanted to stay longer than I did. When I went to leave I felt like my heart was ripping out of my chest and that this really was "good bye". It's terrible. I should have more faith than that. They can't leave before meeting Olivia, can they???

I spent all yesterday cleaning and catching up on laundry, washing my Christmas dishes, fixing our bed to where it's more sleepable. I was ready to wake up and make cookies. Aside from not sleeping last night, the power went out. When I woke up at 10am ready to wake up Tristan just wanted to sleep more. Waiting for the power to come back on was a waste because he still had to go to the store. I didn't know we didn't have eggs. I was going to start cookies.

When he got back he programmed and I made him breakfast then he left for work. :( I really wanted him to help with Logan so I didn't have to watch him while doing everything I have to do. I made the first batch of cookies and when I went to roll it out it wasn't usable because it was too soft. Took me long enough with Logan screaming for me every five minutes and throwing fits. I just want to cry.

I'm not stressed out about cookies. I'm stressed out about not getting them done, of trying to make cookies, breakfast, lunch and dinner, watch Logan and entertain him and clean the house and dishes as I go while making sure I'm not avoiding anyone.

I can't even begin to describe how I feel right now other than completely alone, invisible. Logan is down for a nap. He threw his cup on the floor, he did this for the first time at my grandma's and broke her glass and splattered milk every where. I should take a nap too. In fact, I'm going to. Maybe when I wake up I will have a refreshed energy and some better luck at tackling my tasks???

I'm excited about the things I'm making. I'll post pictures for who ever reads this when I'm done.

Oh, and I finally got some things at Joann's for Christmas for every body. Logan finished them last night quite happily. We just have cards to finish and labels for the tins. :) This makes me happy.

The worst part is, watching Logan color last night and feeling so happy at us just sitting there together, I felt like I didn't deserve it and that something must be wrong and the world was going to end. I kid you not. This has happened since he's been born. He makes me so happy and when we're having so much fun I feel like this means I'm going to die soon. :( I don't like it, I don't know how to get rid of it. I wish I could go back to counseling. I'm a mess.

We're Having a Baby!!!

For most of you this comes as no surprise. Like I've said before, Tristan and I have had our forgetful moments.

Recently the Braxton Hicks have been so prevalent that I almost forgot what it was like to feel Olivia on regular intervals. In some instances, I feel like I've gotten used to this weight and thus have adapted to it and don't feel pregnant at all, but rather round. Only when she tosses and turns do I realize once again that there is a little girl growing inside of me.

Tristan recently moved our shelf off the wall on my side of the bed. This is where Olivia's bassinet is going to go and it's safest this way. The room feels quite empty though without the actual bassinet. We have quite a bit to do, which Could be stressful except in knowing that what we have to do won't take much time, it's just a matter of doing it.

Last night was no exception to the recent flurry of acid reflux. I had no hopes of sleeping, or getting comfortable. [I've begun a new affair with Calcium Magnesium & Fish Oils - it's better than sleep meds] I propped myself on five or six pillows and laid on my back holding my tummy feeling Olivia when I could. As I did this I imagined her, then for some stupid reason I imagined how much time I had left to meet her.

Five and a half weeks to eight and a half weeks. A little over a month? Really? I started to panic. I couldn't breath. Labor. I'm going to have to deliver a baby in a little over a month. Am I ready for this? Was I ready the first time? Well, I was only ready because I didn't know what to expect. This time I'm scared. More so than with Logan.

I'm freaking out about where we're going to deliver. I'm freaking out about who's going to be there, about how it's going to happen. I just want it to be over with. I'm terrified and I want to know everything is going to be alright, I want to see her in my arms.

Forever and Ever... and Ever and Ever

This last week Logan was being quite the toad, and a messy one at that.

The only thing I could think to say to him as I started cleaning him up was, "Logan, I love you."

He looks back at me, "Forever and ever, mom?"

"Yes, Logan, forever and ever."