I realize I've been moping, dwelling on this whole death thing, the final chapter, the good bye of good byes. To be frank, it was almost two months ago and she was 25yrs of my life. I'm still learning to cope without her. Some days are easier than others. Some days I miss her so much I can't breath and I just break down.
Most days I think of my own death, my children and their children. Tristan says I focus too far in to the future... that alone has me thinking. It's true. I still live for now but I have plans and goals, places I want to travel some day or soon. I can't wait to attend my children's weddings *fingers crossed* or my grand children's birth but I also can't wait to go swimming with Logan this summer or take them to the park.
It's also hard not to think about death when it is everywhere.
April 25th, 2011 Capri Sophia Warmoth came in to this world at a little over 24wks and left shortly after. Her funeral was hard, it had me thinking a lot about my grandma and about how little I really understand. Daniel said some really powerful things that really helped me and attending these proper services, though for little Carpi, really helped me to get some closure with my grandma.
It hurts, her not having a final resting place or proper services to welcome her in to the after life. Tristan said he'd like us to name a star after her, and baby Capri so that they'll always be remembered.
I'm still learning a lot from her life, from her death. Still healing, still hurting, still mourning and grieving, always remembering. It seems unreal to me and I miss her, I really do. She meant so much to me and I just hope she really understood how much.