Sunday, August 21, 2011

panic sets in

After angsty teen hormones and years of being a shitty daughter and grand daughter I had children. It made me get my priorities in order and I wanted my family to draw closer. Over the last 3 years I've been working hard to make up for lost time. Then, my grandma dies. Just as I'm getting my shit together, just as I'm trying to make up for lost time. Its made me realize so many things and I've been trying to step up for my grandma in France.

Truth is she left when I was like in 4th grade and I miss her terribly. Now that I'm trying to be everything she wants... its been a month since I've heard from her. Its scaring me and prompted me to attempt to call hospitals in France. That was interesting to say the least and I know my brain is wired to think the worst, but I'm trying here and she's acting out of character. Whre is she? Why isn't she writing back, calling or answering her phone?

Last time it was because she was in the hospital. And I'm such a shitty space cadet I don't remember what for. I don't know how id handle something happening to her. She's pretty much the only family I have left. I will say my fear of flying dwindled with my conversations with fluent french speakers. I need a passport.

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