Saturday, November 6, 2010

Things I Cannot Tell My Mother

To vent or not to vent, that is the question.

While I had not talked to my mom in awhile, I still maintained contact with my sister. However, after actually hanging out with her she stopped texting me every day and asking what I was doing which leads me to believe it was my mother being nosey. I would also like to say that I had a day this week where I needed to get out of the house with Logan and get away from the chaos. For some reason, I decided to go to my mom's. Perhaps because it was a Lot closer than Centralia, where I had intended on going also.

I had actually planned on being gone a week or more. Two hours from being away from the house and I decided this was a bad idea. I got there quite late and everyone was all settled in and cozy and I made a bed on the floor, my mom gave me some money to go get pizza and they were ... actually talking to Logan.

Well, Little Caesar's and Code Red Mountain Dew are Terrible choices when you're pregnant, especially when all you drink is ice water and Try and eat a heck of a lot healthier than the options presented to you. My mother is a non believer of glasses And the dishwasher and I did not feel clean or even enticed to drink water while I was there. I had pizza for dinner, And for breakfast and Code Red as my midnight drink, instead of ice water. I felt like crap.

On top of it, the next day my "mother" said I was "messing with her chi" and that she was all frazzled and irritated. Every little thing that Logan did permitted yelling and sighs and me being told to "control him". He's two. There's no controlling, everything is still new to him in this world and he's curious. Yes, there is a point where you say no, if he's going to break something or hurt himself. These were not happening.

Like usual, all she wanted him to do was sit down and eat or sleep. Every single time I tried talking to her she wasn't really paying attention. She was instead going off about things that didn't matter to me nor did I care to hear, things I have been dealing with for the last five freaking years. Shut the heck up already?!?! You can't control your boyfriend for five years, kick him out and expect him to still pay for everything And not try and get on with his life because you really want to "be with him". The best part is when all you do is talk about how much he irritates you, how little you can trust him and how you think he's secretly doing drugs, but you're not sure. Does Any of this sound healthy? Didn't think so.

Every time Logan tried talking to her or showing her anything she completely ignored him and even when I pointed it out she barely paid attention. I tried showing her Olivia kicking like crazy, nothing. This only bugs me because you can't say that you cry every day because you miss me and that you're sorry .... but you're not sure what for, and say you want to see your grandbabies but only pay attention to yourself and them when it's convenient.

Let's buy something for Olivia, but Not go to the store, let's look online? No. Let's go to Rite Aid and try and find something for Logan, just to buy him something, and pick out a freaking dog toy? No. Let's not hold a real conversation or pay either of us any attention while we're there but instead talk about all these things you want to buy. No. All you want to do is Buy things because you have no idea how to be there. Buying things does not make our relationship okay. Oh, and just because the actual time you've spent with Logan accumulates him to maybe 3months old, does Not mean you can talk to him like a baby. He's 2, he talks better than you.

By noon I was thoroughly irritated and feeling sick from not eating. She "has no food" and said we could wait to eat til my sister got out of school, around 3pm. Then, when 3pm came around my sister went and hung out with her friend. She wouldn't stop yelling at Logan, I was shakey/crazy hungry, and dehydrated. Time to go home!

The best part is, I would've stayed another day or two. There I go again, thinking I can have a normal family that can actually hang out and function as a part. I proven wrong again.

No comments:

Post a Comment